Identify Your Parenting Style

“What kind of a parent am I?” If you have ever stopped to ask yourself this question, you are not alone. Like many other things we do in life, parenting styles can divided into broad categories and while this is not an exhaustive list, it works well as a general guideline. It is important to remember that just because you identify as following one parenting style that doesn’t mean you cannot change your approach.

It is always possible to learn new things and do things different. They say a newborn baby gives birth to new parents, so take the opportunity to learn more about parenting from another point of view. Here are the broad parenting styles for you to keep in mind.

Neglectful

It is often as bad as it sounds. Neglectful parenting tales place when a parent neglects a child’s needs often. This means that the parent is not fully aware of a child’s needs, has an understanding of the child’s life, is not aware of the child’s friends or teachers and spends long periods away from the child.

It is very important to note that neglectful parenting need not mean the parent is morally failing in his/her duties. Some parents have to work very hard to ensure that their children are provided for and in doing so; they spend time away from them. Parents with jobs that involve heavy travel also have the same issues.

While not all the factors are within control, it is important that neglectful parents realize that they are neglecting key aspects of their child’s life. Once this realization is reached, parents can try to make an effort to learn more about their children or find ways to be more involved. Neglectful parenting needs to be addressed at the earliest possible stage otherwise; children will have a hard time trusting people or developing relationships.

Authoritarian

Parents that merely issue commands to their children are considered authoritarian, in nature. It is very important that parents create rules and boundaries for their children and it is up to parents to ensure that these rules are enforced.

Children must respect rules and their parents but there are limits to this thinking as well. If you finding yourself merely issuing commands, not allowing your child to have a dialogue with you on some decisions or punishing your child often, you could be an authoritarian.

Children whose parents are too authoritarian tend to be very reserved and unable to cope without instructions from other people. It is good to enforce rules with your child but try to leave room for more dialogue and give your child the ability to choose more often. They need to see you nurturing them as well so don’t be afraid to be warm and try not to always dictate things from afar.

Permissive

Indulging your child at every term is not healthy for development. Permissive parents are in tune with what their children want but give it to them too readily. Sometimes what a child wants is not what a child needs.

Too often, we have heard tales of spoiled brats and selfish children but constant indulgence can turn any child into such a person. Children need a sense of structure and they need to be guided and moulded into becoming better people.

You need to set some rules and enforce them and for this you need to confront your child. It is necessary to be “the bad guy” sometimes and play spoilsport but do this only when your child needs to learn the consequences.

Authoritative

For many, the authoritative parent is the most effective one. To become an authoritative parent, it is necessary to learn from the deficiencies of the other archetypes we have mentioned. Spend time with your child and learn everything you can them.

Set rules and boundaries and enforce them but don’t do it from afar, because you need to make your child understand why these rules matter. Indulging your child at every turn is not the answer because they need to learn why they must follow certain rules.

You have expectations and demands of your child and you are willing to support them in any way to reach these goals. While this authoritative style is important, take things into context and make decisions based on the situation. Nothing is set in stone and your child will need you to adjust to anything that happens in life.

Patience is the Key to Great Parenting

The change from being an adult to becoming a parent is something that nobody can accurately document. Each person makes the metamorphosis on their own but ultimately, the responsibility of parenting is the same for everyone.

Children have a way of bringing out a new side to their parents, but that is not always a positive emotion. Since children have their own curious nature, they are bound to do things that are inappropriate, reckless, difficult or damaging without thinking about it.

How must you react as a parent? There is no right answer to this question as every situation is contextual but if you are coming from a calm and patient perspective, you increase the likelihood of a better outcome.

So how does patience affect parenting and how can parents become more patient?

What Bothers You?

To become more patient, we need to identify what makes us lose our patience in the first place. Do a real self-audit of all the situations where you have lost your patience with your child and identify what triggered you.

Don’t neglect any scenarios that would contribute to your mood changing as children are extremely sensitive to the moods and emotions of their parents. They might not be able to tell you when or how but your child will know when you are no longer calm, you just need to identify it and be honest with yourself.

This is where the “Stop, Look, Listen” thought process comes into play. We are constantly multi-tasking through the day so we don’t always pay full attention to our children, this is completely normal but there are times we must acknowledge them.

Did you scream an instruction at your child while you were sorting the laundry? Did he/she stop doing something because of this? To find out how this worked out, stop what you are doing, look at your child and pay attention to what is happening and listen to what he/she has to say.

By doing this, you can see what kind of an impact your actions had on your child. You need to know how they perceive your behaviour because you are always being imitated by them.

The Role Model

Children learn to read tense situations, develop empathy and communicate in the same vein as their parents. You are always your child’s first role model, whether they admit it or not. If you remain patient in difficult situations, it gives your child the impression that he/she must remain patient when things are tough.

Committing to this even-keeled approach has many benefits. Knowing that you aren’t liable to get angered easily, your child is more likely to tell share things with you. They are constantly scanning body language cues and emotional tones in your voice to see if you are ok. Show them that you are by staying calm.

Listen Well to Nurture Well

Once you know what triggers your emotions, you can prepare for them better by reminding yourself to not react too negatively in front of your child. Planning routines and contingencies for most daily chores is also a great way to save any kind of frustration.

If you are in control of most situations, you are able to do more for your child. Stop, look and listen to understand your child more. Active listening is encouraging for children, it gives them the impression that you aren’t just giving them orders or teaching them things but you are listening as well.

Children want to feel like they are understood by their parents. By building on a patient approach to parenting and showing a level of listening and understanding that your children can appreciate, you have provided them with a role model that they should follow.